destination.

Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you think of something you think might be a good thing to do, or have happen, and all of a sudden you're on track for that something to happen, without even being sure you want to do that thing, or have that thing happen, but suddenly the way is opening up before you? Do you have any idea what I'm rambling about? Actually, I'm not even sure of what I'm saying today.

About a month ago (maybe longer), I started toying with the idea of going to work for one of the diving companies in the Gulf of Mexico, after having sworn off becoming a diver for the preceeding 10 months I've been in dive school. And suddenly, all around me, everywhere I look, all I can see is evidence backing up that notion. And I'm still not totally sure I want to do it.

I'll outline a few things I've been thinking about:

1. One of the companies does contractual work for NASA in the Neutral Buoyancy Lab, which is a simulated underwater space station, in Houston. For some reason, this has always sounded really interesting to me. I've been thinking tons about working with underwater equipment topside, like sonar and ROVs, but diving is the most basic component of the industry, which leads me to question...

2. My motivation for going/not going to work in the Gulf. I was having a conversation with one of my partners in crime (ie classmate), Andy, who raised this question. I think I was planning not to go because it's scary and not really the sort of conditions I really want to submit to, but then I wonder, when has that stopped me before? I've done TONS of things I've not totally liked, or hated even, but without which I wouldn't be the shiny, happy, sunshine-and rose-petals-out-me-arsehole type of lady I've ended up to be. So why should this be any different? I mean, this is what I've been training to do, and if I didn't at least go try it out, and then walk away having consciously made the decision not to do it, I really wouldn't respect myself much in the morning, now would I? I have a morbid curiosity to see how bad it really is. And there's money in the deal, which is reason enough for...

3. Leaving Santa Barbara. I've griped about it for the past 1.5 years: SB is goddamn expensive, and it is harder than hell to live in an expensive city, and go to school, and work a shit-ton of jobs, and maintain one's sanity (clearly I've not accomplished this last throughout my stay here). There's also not much by way of industry here, save tourism, which means that one's income potential varies by year, by season, by week. I also learned today that someone is taking over my spot as Divemaster on the boat beginning in January, which means I'll be down to working at the restaurant, which means I can really leave as soon as I get my belongings packed and stored.

So, crapsticks. The decision is sort of made, has sort of just become made. I mean, I still have to see who's hiring, and get a job. In the end, technicalities really. The decision's the main thing, no?