If your life was a movie, what kind of movie would it be?
I was walking away from work tonight, at the restaurant, passing by the patio at Don's neighborhood dive bar, and a song was playing. I don't know what the song was, but it was something classic rock-y, sort of drifting out across the parking lot. As I was walking, I watched a woman leaned over her car trunk, fishing for something way in the back, so that all I could really make out of her person was her ass and legs, in faded jeans. From behind me, at the restaurant, dishwasher Eddie called his goodbye, "Be careful, mi reina."
I'm not sure why, but the whole scene struck me like something out of a movie. Maybe because it had a sense of desolation that sort of matched my mood- the dark alley, the music, the christmas lights strung up around Don's fake plastic trees, the dim light from the car trunk, the random people on the periphery.
How long does it take to change a mind? To beat it into submission, to knock free all those crusty old ideas that don't work anymore? A woman read my palm once and told me that sometime around now, I'd experience some kind of illness, or trauma. For the most part, I'm a pretty damn healthy individual, so I've always been a bit wary of this prediction, but could that miniscule interruption in my lifeline indicate instead a sort of spiritual trauma? Because that feels accurate, if you believe in that sort of thing.
A last note, a request for a little love. I know you read this- I can see you fackers that check this site regularly, but never leave any comment, or make any mention of visiting. And I'm baffled. Some of you I can figure out, based on web addresses and locales, but others... I've tried time and time again to figure out who the hell I know at GMAC residential funding- because you visit several times a week. Are you interested in perhaps moving to Santa Barbara, and want to know more about the city? Or do you like to read about flange fittings and Kirby Morgan dive hats? Or are you simply coveting my bike? I know you're sending some incognito love vibes, but I don't know how you are, and for a crazy neurotic like me, it's discombobulating.
So send a little love, because I'm needy and fragile this week.
20 September 2007
if.
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3 comments:
aa, my love! Sending you huge love from Portland. I just love how much you say in such a little space--how I can picture your little movie scene and really experience it and know what you're talking about.
i miss you and your slow smirk and your deep and delicious laugh. i send you good vibes and lots of chocolate chip cookie thoughts.
Hey lady - I tried calling you this week, but can't seem to get through. I'm around all weekend with no plans to speak of. Call me - I would love to catch up and give you some love. I could use some too :)
Ang! I love reading your blog! And, since I always seem to get some soul-rejuvenating from your blog, I hope that me leaving this message will suffice as sending you a little love all the way from the "other" coast. You are a kindred spirit, my friend. One in a billion. The dark and quiet moments are there for a reason. If you listen for it, you'll hear the soft, nearly inaudible and unrecognizable reassurance that you're in the right place at the right time for you.
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